Silence cracked me open.
Remembering. Koh Ra, Thailand. 2014
Eleven years ago, I sat in silence for four days at the International Women’s Partnership for Peace, a simple retreat center nestled among rice fields in the hills of Ban Mai, about 40 minutes outside Chiang Mai, Thailand.
It was part of my 10-week Thai Massage certification- a path I chose not because it made logical sense, but because there was a deeper knowing in my soul that I was meant to go.
I didn’t expect anyone to understand. And if you’ve ever had that kind of pull, you know- it’s not even really you doing it. It moves through you.
The center was intentionally simple. Earthen buildings, no TV, no air conditioning. Just quiet spaces, open-air meeting areas, nourishing homemade Thai food, oh and yes. Cold water bucket showers.
And while those showers were not exactly my favorite (especially in the chilly mornings and evenings), they definitely woke me up AND left me with a lasting appreciation for warmth and comfort- along with a deep respect for simplicity.
I was there with the group I would be training with each of whom I had JUST met, joined by several other women from around the world.
For four days, we coexisted in complete silence. No talking. Little to no eye contact. We practiced yoga each morning. We shared meals lovingly prepared by elder Thai women (to this day some of the most delicious food I’ve ever had) - and ate in silence. On breaks I would sit and watch the rice farmers working together and became lost in trance following their rhythm.
We sat in meditation several times a day. We slowed down. We learned how to listen to silence. This is where I learned not only how to listen to silence- but how to observe the workings of my own mind. At first, it felt like hitting the brakes and the gas on a car at the same time. The first day was the hardest. I was amazed at how exhausting it was to do “nothing.” But something shifted when I began to witness the resistance… and then, gently, stopped resisting the stillness.
I did not know it at the time, but that retreat provided for me next-level education in the language of energy and the power of presence. It reminded me that listening to silence helps me listen more deeply to myself- and become more receptive to the energy within and around me.
It showed me how we communicate beyond words. How stillness holds truths we often miss in the noise. (Did you know over 90% of communication is nonverbal? That statistic hits different when you’ve lived it.)
Each morning of the retreat, we were offered a Dharma talk from the facilitators. Just one thread of wisdom to meditate on throughout the day.
And one teaching stayed with me ever since:
The mind is like a clear blue sky. Thoughts are just the clouds passing through.
I got to witness that as truth. And that awareness changed everything.
I look back to that time and journey and remember people told me I was courageous. But I didn’t feel brave. It felt scarier to me NOT to listen to my inner directives.
To me, there was no other option.
It was a clear directive from soul: Yes. This is the next step. And when soul speaks, you listen.
You move. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if no one else fully understands. It’s not always easy to go against the grain of the conditioning of the mind.
I loved the adventure- exploring, immersing myself in a new culture. But what I went on wasn’t a vacation. It wasn’t a break from life or an escape from it. It was a deep meeting of myself. An inner sorting. I had some major knots to untie. To some extent, we all do.
And at the time I needed space and time to do that, and that was the way for me. Through that experience I learned, I am here to know who and what I am. And for me, that time… that journey… wasn’t a luxury. It was a necessity. Because I had lost myself. It saddens me to say - I didn’t love myself back then. And I had to find my way back to me.
That retreat was a doorway. Not into becoming someone new, but back on the path of remembering who I’ve always been. And I can truly say now. I love her.
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If this story stirred something in you, if you’ve ever felt the call to slow down, to listen deeper, to meet yourself again beneath the noise- The Meditation Map was made for you. It’s not just a series of meditations. It’s a guided return. A practice in presence-ing. A map for remembering the layers of who you are: body, energy, emotion, thought, and soul. Each practice is designed to recalibrate your nervous system, restore your connection to self, and unlock clarity from within. And yes—these five key essential oils are woven in as energetic anchors, helping you tune into the subtler language of your body and spirit. Whether you’re navigating a transition, rebuilding your relationship with yourself, or simply craving inner steadiness in a fast world—this is a powerful place to begin.
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This is your invitation to remember. To return. To root. To move toward the truth of you—gently, powerfully, and on your terms. When soul speaks, listen.
